Sunday, February 3, 2013

I'm done but are you?

I've been having a lot of conversations lately with friends about being "done". And by done, I mean done with having kids. Some have 4, others 3, a few of us 2 but all seem to have differing reasons for being done. The acquaintances, friends, & even family, have discussed our husbands upcoming (or already completed) vasectomy's, I.U.D's & getting tubes tied for ourselves even. We seem fairly certain but I've also talked to mom's out there that aren't quite sure either so thought I would share some of the reason's I've come across.

- I'd have to buy a new car if I had any more kids (car seats, room etc), similarly, potentially a new house.
- It's hard enough to find a babysitter for 2 kids, never mind 3
- College, school, sports, it's all expensive. Affording the ones I have will be tough enough.
- I didn't like pregnancy & don't want to go through labor again. To qualify, this is from moms who had a hellofa labour but even if it was marginally easy, there is nothing wrong with this reason. (NO judgment )
- I'm happy, they have a sibling, a friend to play with so that's good.
- I have a boy & a girl, it's just right.
- I am going to be ANCIENT by the time the kids I have already are graduating.
- I like sleep
 ***photo by Capture It Photography

These all seem like very selfish reasons but for a lot of us, we're thinking of our children as well. Time for them, financial security, attention, etc. Gone are the days where you have 6, 8 & even 10 children, according to Statistic's Canada:

"Families and households have become smaller"

Canadian families have become smaller over time. This occurred partly because of a decline in the total fertility rate after the baby boom and the fact that lone-parent families increased in recent decades. The average number of children per family decreased from 2.7 in 1961 to 1.9 in 2011.Footnote 2 During the same period, the average number of people per family declined from 3.9 in 1961 to 2.9 in 2011.
While family size declined over the period, the number of households increased. In each 5-year period between 1961 and 2011, the number of private households grew faster than the population, particularly between 1966 and 1981 (Figure 3)." Full info here

Reading through the info, I was surprised to see how many single parent families there are now. I don't have many friends who don't fall into the "Married with Children" sect so I'm only going on the knowledge I have of my circle of course.

Some of the reason's above are the same for me, but here are some others that keep me up at night;
- It's HARD to be a kid nowaday's. I was bullied all through junior high & high school but my persecutors did not have access to Social Media, video camera phones and  Ipads. I've already brought 2 kids into the world that will have to deal with this and who knows what else by the time they are school aged.
- Then of course, there is the what we are doing to our world. I'm not educated on a lot of it & am not a "tree hugger" but I know what I see on the news and have watched my share of documentary's. What is the world going to be like when my kids are off to college?
Are they going to want to go to college?

There is of course the flip side of the coin. I had a friend once say to me, "I told my husband this and he couldn't argue. We will never REGRET having another child, but, we could regret not having one". Regret and having a baby, that hardly ever goes hand in hand. I had an amazing pregnancy, I loved the kicks, & even labour was amazingly easy for me. Breastfeeding came easy too. It's like I was made to make babies & even a few months after my youngest was born, I wasn't convinced I was done but we're in a routine now. I can feel in my soul that this is enough, my kids are enough & I'm enough. If you're a mama, no matter how many kids, and you feel like your not done, you need to go with your gut. If you look into your soul & spend some time going over the reasons, I think you'll just know.

I adore holding my friends new babies, the cuddles & the smell of a newborn but I don't get that pull in my heart to have another when I do so. I look at my two, beautiful, amazing kiddies and that's where my heart pulls. I'm full, I'm content, I'm blessed.

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