It’s midnight. My Children have been sleeping since 730 pm and I can only think to come downstairs and get this off my chest.
I love, love, love my job. BUT I look at the people who are on the radio & television and think, that is what I wanted to do. I moved to the city in 98 to take Radio & Television, at NAIT, but everyone told me that it was impossible to get a job. You had to move to butt f nowhere to get one & could only make it big in the cities, IF you ever made it there at all. I was from butt f nowhere so instead of embracing that, I was afraid to end up there , so I never pursued my dream. I got scared, and I turned away from it and decided I’d just have to find my something else.
I do NOT regret my life, my kids or my loves. And I DO love my job. Really, it’s too late. I can’t afford to explore those "other" dreams or take those chances on schooling that might not get me anywhere. The luxury has passed but you know what I’ve learned? To teach my children to follow their dreams. To never tell them not to reach for the farthest branch but to follow their heart. Even if that means it takes them far away from me, they need to go & stretch their wings. I was never encouraged to be anything more than a girl. My children are going to know that I support their dreams, their wings & that there isn’t anything I don’t believe they can achieve. It’s too late for me, really, but for them the sky’s the limit, or wherever they want to go. I’m not going to push or pull. I will lead, I will encourage & I will watch. What peaks their interest, what makes them smile, that’s where I will tug, but I will never, ever, ever discourage their passions or lead them down a path I want them to go. I cannot live through them, that's not fair, but to live for them, that's different.
I want them to share their fears, their hopes, their dreams. To explore their forever with them. I want them to learn that dollars don't make them happy, the people they are with, doing the things they love, that's what will make them happy. I do want them to be secure, and want for naught but money isn't everything. I don't have a lot but I have what I need - food, shelter, clothing and I'm happy, really I am, because I have love.
I may not have ended up on the path I set out trudging on but that doesn't mean the journey to where I am hasn't been meaningful, amazing & beautiful...& I do believe this was the path I was meant to tread.